Compleat Mother Magazine Articles

 


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Our Children's Needs - Part 6


Robert Elias Najemy

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?



What can parents do about this situation? How can we provide a home environment that will stimulate the process of holistic learning for our children?

We can start by spending more time with our children, learning with them. Not teaching them. Not solving problems for them. Not answering their questions. But sitting down and learning with them. This might mean that we set an example by using our free time for learning whatever is interesting for us. We would best allow our children to develop their own problem solving abilities and to help them only when they are stuck. Even then we should not solve the problem, but rather ask them questions that will direct their mind in an analytical way so that they themselves discover the answer. This is the "questioning" method used by the philosopher Socrates is very effective in bringing forth the truth, which is hidden within.

Questions are our best tool for helping. If that does not work, then the we can imagine that we know nothing (which in some cases, in this ever changing system of information, may be true) and we can begin together with the child, to search where we might find answers. This research may take us to our children�s schoolbooks, or to encyclopaedias, magazines, newspapers, the worldwide web - Internet or to persons or friends knowledgeable in a particular subject. In this way our children begin to perceive that the world around them is a �giant book� from which they can always learn and find out what they want to know. In this way learning is connected to life, and life to learning.

Some parents feel that they are unqualified to help their children with their schoolwork. If we ourselves feel incapable, how do we expect our children to learn them. We need to overcome our fears and set the example by learning and growing.

We often deprive ourselves and our children of quality time together so that we can make more money so as to pay for special classes and schools. We make money but have less time to spend with our children. We become tense and tired and have less patience and energy for our children.

Our children see us less and, when they do, they are asked about their grades and whether they have studied. They are seldom asked about their emotional life, hobbies, fears, and problems. The standard question is, "Have you studied?" I might be healthier on all levels if we worked less, saved the money spent on teachers and special schools and spent the time with the child, learning together?

CONSISTENCY

Children, just like adults, expect consistency from the people around them. Consistency means that there is an agreement between what we think, what we say and what we do.

When we tell them not to smoke and smokes ourselves, this is not consistent. When we tell them not to tell lies and then tell obvious lies to others in front of them, how can they respect us? When we have two sets of standards, one for ourselves and one for our children, they feel lessened, disregarded, unloved, disrespected.

When a mother forbids a child to wea