Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom in Parenting
By Laura M. Ramirez
Rating: 
Reviewed by Roberta Waters
Complete Mother
readers with small children may find Laura Ramirez's book a useful
guide for raising their children in a gentle manner. Although Ms.
Ramirez is a white woman, she is married to a Pascua-Yaqui Native
American man and has come to embrace his culture. The focus of the
book is on how to parent your child relying on the wisdom of the ages
in a loving, compassionate way.
An early discussion regards fear
and American parents know well how to parent with fear. We run off
to physicians at the first sign of pregnancy in case something is
wrong; we subject our unborn babies to a myriad of medical tests
with unknown future consequences in case something is wrong. We
birth in hospitals out of fear our bodies will fail us during
childbirth and we are terrified of the pain of giving birth. And on
and on. Fear drives our society. Yet Ms. Ramirez begins the book
with a solution to parenting with fear and beings with a Native
American myth story, one of several interwoven to stress important
points.
For example, the opening story is
about a young couple with their first child and the wisdom of the
Grandmother. It deals with learning the nature of each child. In the
story, the Grandmother advises that a "baby is like a piece of
turquoise" that needs to be polished in order to see it's full
beauty and is unique. As the myth unfolded, the young mother began
mothering with fear as her touchstone, but gradually, as she learned
to trust and know her son, she let go of her fear and allowed
herself to really get to know her child and appreciate him for the
person he was. This is a theme that repeats throughout the
book.
Becoming a visionary parent means
anticipating the person your child will become while living with them
in the present and looking back at how far they've come. It requires
active parenting, being "one who mothers" or "one who
fathers," conscious of your actions and effects on your
child. Fear conflicts with vision because it prevents parents and
children from experiencing life to the fullest and developing their
talents and self to the utmost.
Discipline is an area where being
"one who mothers/fathers" can be honed. According to Ms.
Ramirez, time-outs are a
preferred method of getting children to change their behavior to an
approved conduct rather than the traditional punishment and reward
system. According to the book, time-outs help your child learn
self-control by teaching him how to monitor his own feelings and think
ahead.
One of the most use suggestions in
the book is the Native American "talking stick."
For those unfamiliar with this concept, it involves using an object
that can be passed around when holding family (or other) meetings to
resolve a conflict. Only the person holding the stick has permission
to talk -- everyone else must be quiet until it is their turn. For
families with children old enough to participate, this is an excellent
idea even for regular family meetings because it ensures that all will
get a chance to speak and be heard.
Many pages are devoted to Erik
Erikson's child development theory in which Ms. Ramirez explains the
different developmental states Erikson defined and attempts to weave
visioning parenthood with this theory much loved by teachers of
nurses. This reader was greatly dismayed to find one-eighth of the
book consumed by this singular theory devised by a white man and made
me wonder what was wrong with the wisdom of American Indian
psychology?
Ms. Ramirez informs the reader in
the preface that her children are small and some of the suggestions
made in the book reflect her lack of experience in dealing with older
children. While some families may be blessed with cooperative
teenagers, many find themselves parenting surly, argumentative and
down-right nasty kids who may not willingly (or otherwise) perform the
kinds of chores she recommends. But, that is a small quibble and
easily overlooked since she admits her expertise is with the small
ones.
Overall, this is an interesting
book, of about 200 pages, with an intention of giving the reader the
tools to write their own family story. The frequent insertions of
Native American practice are a welcomed innovation. My strongest
criticism is that I would like to see the white European Erik
Erikson's chapter replaced by Native American philosophy of child
development. A companion workbook is available and also a web
site for additional information about parenting and child
development. Cost is $18.95 for the book, $14.95 for the workbook,
plus shipping ($4.95 for first book, $2.00 each additional).
Available at http://www.parenting-child-development.com
or fax to: 775-856-4277 or email to: soulful@aol.com
|
Inside Mother
Home
Subscribe!
What's New?
Mother's
Tea
Guest
Article
Homebirth
Editorial
Best
Articles
Breastfeeding
Dear Mother Dear
Reader Letters
Eternally
Pregnant
Circumcision
Read
past
issues
of our newsletter
Site Features
Book
Reviews
Mother Books
Cartoons!
Poems
Links
Birth
Stories
Site
Map
Advertising
Contact
Us
Birth,
Joy, & Raspberry Leaves
-a new video compiled by Catherine and Amanda Young
of The Compleat Mother
Go HERE for more information on the waterbirth video!
Click here to read:
The Farmer and the Obstetrician
Click here for the Home Sweet Homebirth (Video)
