Maggie's hospital birth story
I was a single college student, with a history of sexual abuse. When I nod out that I was pregnant I almost did not go through with the pregnancy. (wow, am I so glad and thankful I was brave enough to have my son).
My pregnancy went along totally normal. I had wonderful midwifery care with a state funded program in CA. However, in my 9th month I was required to transfer over to an office that had hospital privileges. This was devastating, as my prenatal midwife was my guardian angel.
It was a full moon, rainiest night of the year. My water broke and I called my doula. She offered immediately to come over, but I was fine and figured I'd sleep. The new midwife checked my 'leak' to be sure it was amnio fluid. After verifying that it was I went home, well actually after an hour hike in the redwoods. By 3 am my contractions seemed to me to be unbearable. So we called the doula and off to the hospital. Once I got to the hospital, my contractions stopped, even though I was at six.
Being only somewhat educated about interventions at the time, I consented to pitocin. Finally I got to ten, without any narcs or epidurals. My doula was a godsend! From 10cm it all went downhill. I had no urge to push. I now believe my baby descended rapidly and the uterus was merely taking a break. you know, "that rest and be thankful stage."
I had an awful nurse that coached me in my pushing
as if I went on the Philadelphia Eagles offensive line. I am very internal,
and could not get any work down with this woman yelling PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! At
one point I remember thinking, 'I'm not pushing at all for her! The **tch. I
I don't know what made me ask her the next question, but I flared my nostrils and screeched "that YOU pushed out?!" She only looked at her watch and said no that they were adopted. Ahhh.
Then the shift change. A new nurse. and a new beginning. I was on the toilet, the birthing stool and everything. FHT were great and still no natural urge to push. Finally the ob on call came and said, " well this kid would eventually pop out if you were in the bush somewhere, but if you want a woman to deliver this baby, I recommend a c-section" And everyone knew that because of the abuse history I wanted a woman.
At least I asked for a second opinion, but of course HE said c-sec. So as I was being wheeled off to the or I finally got the urge to push, four hours after I was complete! Everyone, including my doula at this point said, "oh don't worry, we'll just go in and get him". I was too afraid and intimidated to say 'STOP! I want to push now".
Twenty minutes later they sliced me open and pulled him from my gut. No touching, no nursing, no waiting for the cord to stop pulsing. None of my wishes came true. An hour later, after everyone else had seen my son, I was finally introduced to him.
The day I brought him home, I read Spiritual Midwifery and cried. And cried and cried some more. It took about three years for me to accept and work through what they had done to me in that hospital. Another unnecessary section for CPD. I went onto breast feed until he was almost four years old, co-sleeping and home schooling. I carried him constantly from day one and sometimes still do- 6 years later. I guess subconsciously I am making up for all that I let them do to us at our birth.
In the first year, I often wondered- how many people
try to sue for unnecessary c-secs.? But decided that I had to turn my
sadness, anger and feeling of violation into something positive, thus here I
am. A certified cbe, certified doula, and student midwife.
Joy, & Raspberry Leaves
Go HERE for more information on the waterbirth video!