(ed. note: This is just the type of approach we need to make things happen and help make people aware. Good job, Rhonda!)

Dear Mother dear;

Hi  my  name  is Rhonda, I'm  engaged in a  verbal battle  with   the  makers  of  Life  Brand infant vitamin D drops,  I  would  dearly  love  the support  of  parents, to  have the  wording  changed on  the  boxes of vitamin D drops  from " an essential supplement  for the   breast fed  infant" to  anything  that  does  not  make  breastfeeding  women  think their children are at  risk of  rickets from  birth onward.

My letter to the LIFE BRAND INFANT  VITAMIN D Drops

  Thank You  for   your response. I  would  like to point out that a recommendation  is very  different from the  word " essential".  I  would also  like to  point  you   to   research printed in an INFACT  Canada  newsletter.
http://www.infactcanada.ca/newsletters/winter99/VitaminD.htm

More  specifically i  would  like  Shoppers Drug  mart
to note the  following research, mentioned in  the newsletter; Reported reviews of the prevalence of Vitamin D deficiency rickets also suggest otherwise. A six-year review(4) of all cases at the Calcium and Bone Clinic of the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto identified 17 cases (from January 1988 to December 1993). Parents had sought medical attention because of bowing of the lower limbs. On examination all the children had radiographic and clinical evidence of rickets. All the children presented were of African or Asian origin consumed no cow's milks were not taken outdoors regularly and if taken outdoors would be covered up. The mothers reported that they did not
drink milk or consumed vitamin supplements during pregnancy.

Similar findings5 are reported in other reviews. The Children's Hospital of New Jersey and UMD, Newark, reported only nine cases over a three-year period. All children were dark skinned, were breastfed and had restricted exposure to sunlight.

The susceptibility to vitamin D deficiency rickets, of dark-skinned infants in populations who have immigrated from tropical climates to cold northern climates has long been recognized. Higher levels of melanin, a natural sun screen, requires more exposed sunlight than white skinned populations to produce the same amount of vitamin D. And in white-skinned infants the application of sunscreen blocks the synthesis of vitamin D after ultraviolet radiation. When infants are then also confined to the indoors throughout cold winters or are fully covered, the possibility of inadequate exposure to ultraviolet light and
inadequate maternal storage increase the risk of vitamin D deficiency.

 In answer to the  recommendation of the  Canadian Pediatric Society's INFACT  says  this; A just released pamphlet* from the Canadian Pediatric Society explaining the vitamin D recommendation of the infant feeding statement, says it all. Using language designed to arouse fear in new parents, breastmilk is dismissed as nutritionally inadequate, "Breastmilk contains 15 to 40 I.U. of vitamin D per litre and does not provide your baby with an adequate intake of vitamin D". Added to this are graphic descriptions of the symptoms of rickets, all designed to create doubt and anxiety on the part of parents in a mother's ability to breastfeed. Parents are told that sunlight is not a reliable source but that a "daily vitamin D supplement is a far more reliable way." One wonders did they not read the scientific literature? Did they not read the articles about the low prevalence and that only a very select minority is at risk? Did they note in the literature that vitamin D is not naturally a dietary substance but is derived from exposure to the sun? Pushing a product with kickbacks to the profession seems to be the quick fix.

I believe  the  wording on the  front of LIFE BRAND INFANT  VITAMIN D Drops is  designed to arouse  fear in  parents. I  would  again  ask that the  wording on  the   boxes of Life Brand Infant Vitamin D  drops, be  changed,  to   reflect that  supplementation is only  recommended  for  infants  who  are  " at risk".

 I   have  emailed  INFACT  CANADA  asking  for they're assistance, in  convincing your company to comply. If  this  is  not  sufficient in   effecting the  necessary   changes,  then I  shall launch a
consumer  campaign.

 Thank  You   for   your time  involving this  matter.
Rhonda Newcombe
email: newclee@yahoo.com

Once upon a time, two brooms fell in love and decided to get married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom informed the groom broom that she was expecting a little whisk broom. 

The groom broom was aghast. "How is this possible?" he asked.  "We've never swept together."

Needs info on extended breastfeeding

Is there anywhere on the Compleat Mother site that discusses really extended nursing? I am talking about a four year old . To me, it can't really be called nursing anymore, you couldn't squeeze a drop out and there is never any swallowing and it isn't every night. Are there any other people out there other than La Leche League Leaders?  
Thanks , Sheryl 
Email: spalmer@look.ca 

Not Alone

 Just a "Thank You" for my tea order.  It arrived in the mail today (3/9/2001).

Thanks too for the extra magazines.  I will share them and try to get a few more subscribers for you.  I believe in what your magazine promotes. We are an attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering,  non-circumcising, home birthing, home schooling family that is also questioning the use of vaccinations with our younger children.  The information you have to offer in your magazine is so helpful. It is also nice to see that there are other families out there, living as we do.

Thank you for the time and effort that is put into keeping a magazine going like Compleat Mother.  Keep up the excellent work!

Sincerely,
Amanda McGriff
(Wirt, MN.)
Email: amcgriff@mail.paulbunyan.net 

Compassion Needed

I think sometimes that women who have not had cesarean sections can be unwittingly hard on the women who have had them.

I have undergone two cesarean sections. I've read countless anti-cesarean section articles, all written by natural childbirth advocates. I know people usually aren't intentionally mean, but... c'mon, Sisters!

I'm a mother, too.  I have a scar on my stomach--can you find it in your heart to forgive me?  I find it difficult to believe that giving birth the natural way makes me better or worse than others.   Please don't judge me.

Am I better than other women who have never gotten pregnant?  Who have had breast cancer?  No way.  I've been cut into--and until someone has gone through what I have, nobody can judge.

Beth
New York
email: bbrown@jebconet.com

A Success Story

By Wanda Pendlebury

In the midst of our “hell,” imposed on us by the medical
community, I sutumbled on a copy of “Breastfeeding Anyway.” For the first item, I realized I really could succeed breastfeeding my baby.

I had the determination; I needed my purpose made clear and I needed to feel connected to other mothers who had the courage to share their advice and experience.

“Throw away the baby scales.”
”Love and cuddle your baby.”
Change the cotton diapers every time they get wet,”
and “Nurse, nurse, nurse!” This was the best advice I ever got. Life improved greatly without the stress of watching the scales; there was time for laughter and no more tears.

I was scared. I was told I was a lactation failure, and that Baby Annika would starve to death on the little milk I was producing. At two months old, she was still under her birthweight, and I had to fight with her to get her to stay more than two to five minutes on my breast.

Special thanks to my husband Douglas for believing in us, and the special midwives. Sharyne Fraser and Barbara Scriver and the life-saving lact-aid, who helped us out of our mess.

My slow-gainer, no-gainer, content-to-starve daughter did fine as I rebuilt my milk supply. When she turned 3 ½ months, it was as if a light switched on, and she just knew when she was hungry. She always had 6-8 wet cotton diapers a day and this increased to 12 or more.

Now she lifts up my shirt when she wants to nurse, and when the phone rings. If I’m reading while she’s nursing, she will push the book away so she can have all of me.

Annika turned one on Thanksgiving, and is nursing more than ever. She is not what we had been warned she would be: mentally retarded, severly deformed and with a weak immune system. In the past year she has had a runny nose only two days!

The medical community is a menace when it comes to breastfeeding and the well-being of our babies.

My daughter is walking, talking, going up and down stairs and saying “Bye-bye” to “Daddy.” She is healthy, bright, happy, and yes, still tiny.

I will happily encourage other mothers who have been told to “Give formula or we’ll contact the authorities to take your baby away.”

Wanda Pendlebury, red Deer, Alberta
tel.  (403) 342-6842

Dads visit us too

Just checked out your site and had to blab about how happy I am to find this kind of information and kinship on the internet and in your publication.  I'm a 30 year old father, attachment style parent and my wife and I have been reading your magazine for a couple of months now. We have two girls.  Eva, our four year old was a c-section through the hospital's "midwife program".  (It's like mixing oil and water...it doesn't work.)  We went with a midwife/home birth for Greta, our 7 month-old and it turned out beautifully.  Like most of your readers, we are surrounded by people that think we are taking things a bit too far, so it's good to find support in your publication.  It's great to have access to information that debunks the consumer-based profit-driven medical establishment.  It's hard being a struggling minority against the raging current of mainstream culture.  THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GET THE TRUTH OUT THERE!!!!!  Please don't ever compromise your mission. It's beautiful and inspiring--the integrity I sense from you. 

Keith, Ma`rcia, Eva and Greta Rickert
Kansas City

Circumcision and infection

I was reading your circumcision website and I had a question.  I've heard that if a male is not circumcised he can more easily give infections to his partner is this true?

Dear reader,

No it is not true that intact men can more easily give infections to his partner. Most males in the US at this time are circumcised and this has not halted the spread of STDs.

In fact, anatomically speaking, the intact penis provides a gliding sensation during intercourse. The circumcised penis which has had its foreskin cut away, can easily cause abrasion to the mucosal tissue of his partner.

Circumcision of males or females does not provide protection from harboring or transmitting sexually transmitted diseases. If it did, what genital surgery would we recommend for females? The vulva and vagina are much more anatomically complicated than the penis. The most common genital malady is vaginal yeast infections. Individuals from middle eastern backgrounds, where female genital mutilation (FGM) is common, have proposed removing the external female genital folds to prevent yeast infections. Of course, in the US we would not even consider such sophist ideas.

An unsafe partner, one whose sexual history allows for the possibility of any kind of sexually transmitted disease must be considered high-risk for transmitting a STD to either a female or a male partner whether intact or circumcised.

Sexually respectful persons wash before for politeness and wash afterwards for prudence. Cutting away anatomical structures from genitals does not prevent disease for either the male or female.

Sincerely,
--Jody McLaughlin--

Baby keeps me up at night

I am a breastfeeding mom of a 4 1/2 month old baby and he is obviosly going through a growth spurt where he eats all the time, and all night long just taking short naps in the evening.  I can't seem to get him down to bed until at least 11:00 PM at night and I put him in his crib, then go to bed myself. He usually sleeps for 1/2 to 2 hours and then wakes up and comes into bed with me to eat all night long.

Recently he is keeping me up at night too much and not sleeping on his own well.  Is it time to mix some formula or cereal in with his breast milk to try to get him to go 3 hours between feedings?

I am somewhat of a naturalist and read Mothering Magazine about exclusive breastfeeding for 1 year, and feeding upon demand, not on a schedule.  I agree, but I am exhausted as I work full time and I am way behind and have too little time for getting anything else done. I recently feel as I can't keep up with his demand for food and can't get any sleep.

Can you help give me direction? Thank you.

Dear Joyce,

You have two critical needs right now. Providing enough milk for your child and getting much needed rest. Your other consideration is being able to function at work in addition to providing for your child's needs. It may not be possible to meet your child's needs as well as your own with the demands of a full time job.

Fatigue, in itself, is an essential element in the adjustments we must go through as parents, particularly mothers. Fatigue clears up any question about what must be done and what in not essential. Just as women frequently feel fatigue early in their pregnancies and use this time to catch up on their rest and eliminate non-essential activities, fatigue in the first weeks and months after your child's birth can help you dispense with those things which are not absolutely necessary. Some mother have described the combination of breastfeeding and fatigue as having a positive effect on their ability to intuitively know what their baby needs.

Your first priority is, of course, your child's health and well being. That means breastfeeding as well as attachment parenting which can help off-set all the hours you are away from him while you're at work. Can you postpone resuming your job responsibilities? Take him to work with you? Work fewer hours or fewer days? Have him close to work so you can nurse him during breaks and at lunch time? Does his care provider have experience caring for babies that are breastfed? Did she breastfeed her own children? Do you pump milk for him when you cannot be there to feed him from your breasts?

Nursing longer on each breast can also help to provide your child with the important, longer lasting hind milk which is higher in fat than the fore milk which babies get when they first start nursing on a breast.

I spoke with a subscriber who, although working full time in a demanding job as a Captain in the Air Force, exclusively breastfed her baby for well over a year. Her daughter slept with her and nursed all night long. Even though she provided expressed breastmilk for the babysitter to use during the day, her daughter would seldom take it, preferring to wait 'till her mom got home and then she would nurse, practically non-stop until her mother left her in the care of the sitter again the next morning. By the way, she did NOTHING else during this time except work and care for her baby. All outside distractions and activities were postponed and her husband did most of the work around the house.

Please let me know how you are doing, and what you have found to be successful in solving your dilemma.

Most Sincerely,
--Jody McLaughlin--

Opposed to Crib Article

I have a problem with the Abolish cribs article.  I am the mom of an unvaccinated, breastfed 13 month old.  However, he doesnt sleep with me and he never really  has.  I did learn how to nurse him in bed when he was less than 6 mos old so that I could sleep a little longer in the morning, but for the most part he has  been in a crib.  There is nothing wrong with either.  I agree that IF you can sleep with your child it is probably better for him/her, but there are many of us who just CANT sleep with a child in bed with them.  I could never get used to it.  I never slept well.  Since my son has been sleeping through the night, in his own bed, and in his own room.....I have gotten sleep and been a much better mom to him.  The article makes it sound like Im terrible because Im leaving him open to preditors in the house.  Thats ridiculous!  There are safety concerns with both crib and adult bed sleeping...but both can be avoided.
Thank you
Christina

Breastfeeding and birth videos

I agree that videos were more useful than what I learned in CBE classes - which were taught by a bottlefeeding RN who said, "Don't worry about the breathing, you'll have your epidural by then anyway."

One of my favorite videos was the 10 minute film "Birth in The Squatting Postion"  It looked so much EASIER that way. And, come to think of it, there were no attendants hands anywhere in the film. The babies just came out, usually in one push.

A warning about breastfeeding videos. As a LLL Leader and member of Infant Feeding Action Coalition I learned to be very careful about what videos and posters and booklets promote. Check to find out who funded it. A nurse who donated a breastfeeding poster to our LLL Group couldn't understand why we refused it. I pointed out 1) the woman in the picture was in a negligee - indicating
breastfeeding a) is okay during convalescence; or b) must be done at home, so it ties you down, limits your activities

2) The wording of the poster said "Breastfeeding ... the best food for young infants", which indicates a) breastfeeding is "food" - nothing more.
b) it's only for YOUNG infants. Not for "old" infants? Is a six-month-old a "young" infant?

We also obtained a video promoting breastfeeding - produced by a formula company. Be Careful!! Mixed in with some good breastfeeding information was a lot of crap designed to make women doubt their ability to breastfeed:
Unnecessary concern about keeping your breasts and nipples clean ( suitable for those of us who drag our nipples in the dirt I suppose); nonsense about how important it is to monitor everything you eat and drink; an implication that a father must feed the baby to bond with the baby; seeds of doubt planted and left unanswered about how to tell if your baby is getting enough... and so on.

BOOKLETS put out by formula companies make it look like the feeding methods are equal. But they are tricky - very subtle in their approach. For instance, in one booklet only the bottlefeeding mother is gazing happily into her baby's eyes. The nursing mother looks bored.

Take a closer look at your own posters, booklets, and magazine ads. You may be surprised.

Sheila
breastfeeding police ;)
Email: stubber@hotmail.com

Cancelled Subscription

Dear Mother,

Please cancel my subscription to The Compleat Mother immediately,

The Pornography, Earth worship, the extremely anti-Biblical child trianing (sic) philosophy, are all a serious offense to God who created this world & told us in His Word how we should live.

I will pray to God that He have mercy on
you, & show you His truth, & deliver you from Satan's truth that you have been preaching.

        In Christian Love
               (name and address withheld)

(Ed. note: I wonder what "Biblical" child training involves)

Sainsbury's Insanity
by Kelly Barrett

I relactated against all opinion and my baby's didn't increase for ages. In the spring I was breastfeeding my 11- week-old daughter Amaya at Sainsbury's supermarket.

I was carrying her in a sling, one l can easily feed in which covers most  of  my chest.  l was wearing a specially designed breastfeeding top which has an  opening only at the breast. She was wearing a winter hat that was too large for her head and l was wearing a large jacket. You can imagine how much of my body I was revealing.

I was near the front of the store waiting for my husband to pay for a drink,  before we began our shopping,. A security guard came over to ask me  if  l would go and sit somewhere more comfortable.

He returned with the manager, John Lambert, who asked me to go to the ladies' room.  Breastfeed on the toilet or leave Sainsbury's premises, he said.  He added I was making the customers  uncomfortable.

My husband Steve  asked if we could continue our  shopping, as I can easily feed and walk with my sling. Not while you are breastfeeding, he said. It's not natural!  After a few angry words, security firmly placed his hand on Steve's  shoulder  and we were directed out of the store. The guard said he too has a baby but his wife chooses to feed more privately!

I called Sainsbury's and spoke to Colin Pidduck who said  they  stand by their manager's decision. Sainsbury's was the first UK retailer to publicly announce  their support for  breastfeeding , yet  I was treated like a  strange exhibitionist

Kelly Barrett 70 Wells Rd
Glastonbury Somerset BA6 9BR
steve@u-global.com

How to reach Sainsburys by email:
feedback@sainsburys.co.uk

Baby Killed by Forceps

On another subject, I just found out a cousin (also a good friend) just lost her baby.  The mum-to-be had high blood pressure and was induced.  The baby was born dead.  We assumed it had something to do with the high blood pressure, but we just received the autopsy results.  The baby was perfectly healthy.  She (it was a girl) died from a brain hemorrhage.  The hemorrhage, we have been told specifically, was cause by the forceps.

I don't know what will happen now.  Needless to say we are all very upset by this.

I know you often have wonderful poems about this kind of loss.  I have every one of your magazines since 1993 but they are on loan to a friend.  Do you have any handy that you could email me?  Do you recommend any books?

Thank you,

Your friend

Michelle Elston Hoban

Mistake

After an amazing home birth,  I had difficulty nursing my son, but thanks to an amazing birth attendant, we finally had it working.  Then my son developed pyloric stenosis and needed surgery, we breastfed through the hospital stay and for three days at home.  Then stupidly we went away for the weekend and screwed up the whole thing.  Our nursing fate was doomed when we visited our anti home birth doctor and was told that he had lost weight since his hospital discharge and needed formula.  That was a HUGE mistake,  we quit breastfeeding 3 days later.  My son just finished his first round of antibiotics yesterday!  His sister went through the same trouble with her ears but was fine when switched to soy formula at a Homeopath's suggestion ( my doctor wanted to have tubes but in her ears at 8 months).  We've tried soy with Matthew and he cannot seem to tolerate it.  What do I do?  Are there alternatives to commercial formulas?  Can I put him on goats milk exclusively ( he does well on this).  He is 7 months old and does eat many solids. Any help you or the readers can be would be soooooo appreciated! E- Mail me  at AWILSON-MCNABB@MAILCITY.COM

Out of the mouths of babes...

The following letter is in response to my article "Is It Time to Abolish Cribs?" at
http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/abolish_cribs.html

Jan

Dear Jan,

Thank you for a very thorough and beautifully stated article.  On her first visit to her new cousin's home, my (co-sleeping) three year old pointed to the crib and asked "Is that Emma's little baby cage?".

I'll be sending your words to my sister, now pregnant with her second.  I wish everyone could read what you wrote.

Sincerely,
S. McDonald

Hi like-minded moms,

I recently gave birth (at home, but that is another story) to my second daughter.  Now my first daughter who is almost 21 months old has dramatically increased her demands for nursing to the point where she has almost stopped eating solid foods.  I don't want to stop nursing her because I know she finds it very comforting, but I am getting so tired.  I have yet to find a comfortable position to nurse a big one and a little one, and in bed at night I am constantly turning from one side to the other to satisfy them both and I get little or no sleep.  Does anyone have any advice or information for me, we would all be very grateful?!?

Sincerely,
Marni Macdonald
malmac3@hotmail.com

Dear Marni,

The situation you described sounds a lot like mine, even though my oldest  was no longer nursing by the time her sister was born. My daughters were 2 1/2 years apart and I was exhausted too.
Whether we are nursing one or two or even three children, when the nursing toddler feels that we are pulling away from breastfeeding them, they seen to be even more intent on having access to the breast. It sometimes helps to remember the gifts they are giving us each time they nurse, specifically the release of hormones into our system which frequently help us to become more intuitive, resourceful and creative.

I also have come to believe that exhaustion can be a friend to us mothers. It helps us focus on that which is truly important and let a lot of the other things slide. Let me know if any of this is at all helpful.

Jody McLaughlin
Compleat Mother Editor U.S. 

Make It Personal

   If I talk to women about circumcision and they don't seem to get it, then I  make it personal. Sometimes I tell a story.(This probably works best woman to woman) I'll tell them to imagine that they are admitted to a hospital for some minor surgery. Upon waking up from the anesthesia, you realize that your inner labia and the hood over your clitoris have been cut off. When you confront your doctor he explains that the tissue that was removed was "redundant" and not necessary for sexual functioning. He goes on to say that  you will be much easier to clean, have less odor, that there will be less chance of infection, and that he felt that you would look "better", more aesthetic. He says that when he gave all of the "risks" and "benefits" to your family, they gave informed consent for the procedure. How would you  feel? Now imagine that you were awake and resisting, but they did it anyway.

 If they don't get it right away, they usually will later when they are alone.

        Susan Peer, East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

(Response to a letter from a woman who lost a child)

I am a midwife, a CPM.  I attend waterbirths in my client's homes.  I have also participated in a seminar given on toxic and dangerous situations for pregnant women given by our state's expert on that sort of thing.  The session did not go into great detail about waterbirth--it wasn't even mentioned, that I recall, but they focused more on hot tubs and had done
some studies on their use.

What they found was that in order to raise a woman's core body temperature, one would have to be IN the hot tub for over 2 days!!

It would seem unlikely that any laboring woman would stay in any one place, especially a tub, for that long.  I guess if the water in your birthing pool burned your skin, then you may have caused some harm to the baby.  But if it only felt too hot...

It took me a very long time to understand that sometimes babies just die. It isn't anyone's fault.  Sometimes it is someone's fault, but can only be learned with 20/20 hindsight--it was not neglectful or intentional, only something that could be seen after the fact.  Cesareans do not necessarily save lives, they many times only give the impression of being a miracle.

Many, many babies die after c-secs and their mothers spend their entire labor in a hospital with all the monitors and gadgets and high-tech staff, doctors with degrees up the wazoo, etc.

It took a very long time for me to move through the grieving stages. Back then, a stillborn was considered to be a non-person.  I was not allowed to see or hold my baby. They refused to tell me the sex. The hospital staff was cold and indifferent.  My friends and relatives abandoned me because they didn't know what to say--so they said nothing and hurt me beyond words.

Some members of my family said really stupid things like "you're young, you can have more" or "It's God's will..." "It's probably for the best because that baby maybe had awful things wrong with it" etc.  I was inconsolable.

Only one sister and one friend were there for me (and my dear husband). No reason for the death was ever found.

I find some comfort in these words which are from a book that is in some Bibles: Wisdom of Solomon 4:13-14:  "He, being made perfect in a short time, fulfilled a long time: for his soul pleased the Lord: therefore hasted he to take him away from among the wicked."

My best friend lost a 4 month old daughter to SIDS.  I've had clients who lost their babies to genetic anomalies, SIDS, and an unknown cause at 2 years.  Last week, for the second time, I learned that another of my clients lost her husband--a 28 year old healthy man who got sick one day and died the next leaving behind three children, including an 18 month old.

There ARE no guarantees in life.  Birth is as safe as life gets.  You know you did everything in your power to have a healthy baby, but a power greater than you had other plans for that baby.  Work to release the anger, grieve for your lost dreams for that baby.  Make peace with yourself.

Warmly,
Yvonne Lapp Cryns
Website: http://www.weedpatch.com/home.html
Email: ycryns@hotmail.com 

Don't Give Up!

Last time I wrote, I was expecting my second
long-awaited child after five ectopic pregnancies.

Leif was born 13 months ago and is the joy of
our lives, along with six-year old Eve.

Believe it or not, I'm expecting again in April!
This is my eighth pregnancy and my one
remaining tube seems, finally, to be clear.

If you have recurring tubals, don't give up.
Find a good doctor and keep trying.  We thought we would be childless, or a one-child family; now we are more blessed than ever.

Now I need information about tandem feeding!

Sandy Magnussen, Halfmoon Bay, British Columbia
email: smagnussen@sd46.bc.ca

Stay-At-Home-Mom
   
I live in a progressive, smallish-sized (16,000 pop.) town in Oregon, but still sometimes feel that being a "stay-at-home" mom just is not valued anymore.  A male friend of a girlfriend of mine once said (upon hearing I was a "stay-at-home" Mom), "Oh, so you're like a woman of the 50's huh?"  I am far from a woman of the 50's.  My husband may not do a whole lot of housework (arg!), but he doesn't get mad if the house is messy when he gets home or if he has to fend for himself for dinner.  I try to have these things done, because I appreciate the fact that he goes to work and school to support us, so I can stay home with our children.

Then there are always relatives who put off that "well, if you're struggling so much, then why don't you get off your lazy butt and get a job" vibe.  I even had a girlfriend recently, (who I knew years ago, and who recently moved back to my area as a single mother of three boys) tell me the other day that she has issues with stay-at-home mothers.  That she cleaned house for a lot of stay-at-home mothers in California and she thinks "they" are of no service to society.  That "they" are out of touch with reality.  She went on and on, I couldn't get a word in edge wise!  I didn't want to.  I did however wonder how it all applied to me.  Did she mean me, or just those "other" stay-at-home moms?

    My questions are, why should the children suffer?  Why should they be raised in day care centers by virtual strangers?   People who have no emotional bond or attachment with them (granted there are a few gifted child care providers out there).

It is too bad that this magazine is one of our only saving graces in this bewildering society, but at least we have it and each other.   Thank you.
Shamron Cook
Ashland, OR
Email: cook0186@students.sou.edu

Dear Mother,

What a breath of fresh air your magazine is!!!!!!!!! AAh. Finally, a magazine that doesn't tippy toe around what people are REALLY thinking and feeling. I subscribe to mothering, but feel that it is becoming rather bland and stilted. I am in an eddy so far out of the "main stream" now that I get an involuntary twitch whenever I pick up a copy of "parenting" or American Baby. blech, icko, yuck yuck yuck. Its so nice to read real, passionate, opinions and stories, as well as the article snippets.  How did
you get started? How long have you been published?

Anyway, will you please send a gift subscription to my dear friend who just had her second natural unvaccinated waterbirth baby?

Cathy
Seattle, WA 

Dear Cathy,

Compleat Mother was started 15 years ago by a disgruntled X-LLL Leader who was writing articles for a parenting magazine in Canada. She submitted a wonderful article about the exquisite birth of her son. They did not want to publish it; instead they asked her to go to a big city hospital and do a story on all the tiny babies in the NICU and take pictures, especially close-ups of the tubes running in and out of the little babies bodies. She quit writing for them and used the birth article she wrote in the first issue of Compleat Mother.

--Jody--

I love The Mother and regularly  give my issue to my midwifery clients to read and pass on to others.  Thank you for such an incredible contribution to mothers out there that are walking the road less traveled!  You keep us inspired!

Jana Claflin, L.A.M.  Alamogordo,  New Mexico
email cclaflin@totacc.com

Motivated Mother

Three weeks ago, I visited our local Parks and Recreation swimming pool with my two young sons and my nursing 6 month old daughter.  During this moms and tots time, my baby became fussy and needed to nurse.  I quickly ran to the changeroom and retrieved my terry robe cover-up.  I then sat on the edge of the pool deck with my legs dangling in the water and proceeded to discreetly nurse my daughter, Charlotte.  After several minutes, the pool supervisor approached me and asked me to take my daughter into the changeroom and nurse her there.  When I asked her why I should do this, she replied that there was fear that I could be offending some of the other patrons.  Of course I refused!  I explained that both my daughter and I had a legal right to be there.  With this said, she quickly took back her words and scuttled away to her office.  I still can't believe that in this day and age, people are so ignorant about the value of breastfeeding.  As a mother of five breastfed children ages 11, 9, 5, 3, and 6 months, it still annoys me when people take offense to this very natural and beautiful way of nurturing your children.  I plan to contact the Parks and Recreation Commissioner to find out what their policy is regarding breastfeeding so that our rights can be clarified for all staff.  No one else needs to be embarassed by a situation such as this again!

Sincerely,
Liz Fry
Markham, Ontario, Canada

Followup from Liz Fry 

July 26, 1999

I thought that I'd send you an update on the e-mail that I sent you previously. 

I just received a letter from the Commissioner of Parks and Recreation in Markham.  He apologized on behalf of the Town.  It seems that nursing on the pool deck IS permitted.  He explained that the employee in question had just recently returned from University, and wasn't familiar with Markham's policy regarding breastfeeding at the pool.  However, she had worked at another facility outside of Markham where mothers who needed to nurse their babies were asked to leave the pool deck.  He also mentioned that aquatic staff trainings occur four times a year on a seasonal basis.  In this instance, she missed the training due to the date she started work.  This created a "knowledge gap". 

As a result of my letter, he has asked staff to ...

1. Document the policy in the Recreation Services policy manual.

2. Establish a process that will ensure this type of "knowledge gap" does not occur in the future. 

He also apologized for my embarassment and discomfort and reassured me that necessary action will be taken to ensure that knowledge of Town policies and procedures by staff is thorough.  Hopefully incidents such as mine will never happen again.

I am very pleased!!!!!!

Liz Fry
Markham, Ontario, Canada

[Ed. note] A friend of mine once said to me: "The difficult can be done immediately; the impossible just takes a little longer."

Well done, Liz!

Concerned Physician

Comments: You should really be ashamed of yourselves. The misinformation in your publication the Compleat Mother can only be described as moronic. Please get a grip on reality. I know it won't happen, but it would benefit people who mistakenly come upon your journal and believe what they read.
Thursday April 29th 1999 10:56:17
(This note is taken directly from our site Guestbook. I wish this person was more specific about his/her difficulty with our publication. Why do they fear us?.....Greg Cryns)

HEP V and My Vaccine Damaged Son

I was required to have my children immunized against Hepatitis B.   The literature stated that "no known serious reactions have been associated with the Hepatitis  B vaccine".   I made what I thought was informed decision based on this information.   

    On May 28,1999 my 10 year old son Robert and his 13 year old brother received the first of three "mandatory" Hepatitis B vaccines.  My 10 year old son experienced mental, physical and personality deviations almost immediately.   Five days later the left side of his face was paralyzed followed shortly by his left arm, then his abominable muscles and legs.  He has been diagnosed with Central Nervous System demylination/autoimmune disorder from serious adverse reaction to Hepatitis B.   The prognosis and severity of both are unknown.  There are no practice standards of treatment.

    The FDA, CDC and MERCK the maker of the vaccine don't know how to cure Robert.  They  keep a record of these reactions in the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System to monitor the frequency of very serious reactions.  They classified what was done to Robert as an "Expected Experience".

I certianly didn't expect it.

Many otheres have been injured by vaccines; the American Association of Physicians and Surgeon spoke out against this vaccine website: www.aapsonline.org after new studies have shown there is 100 times greater chance of being injured from the vaccine than by the actual disease.   

Beth Topp
Robert's Mom
661-824-1032
P O BOX 1007
Rosamond CA 93560
mstopp@as.net

Better  Choices
                                                          by Lu Johnston

I hate to hear of abortion being used as a means of birth control.  Like caesareans, it turns our bodies over to the medical (usually male) establishment to "fix everything".  In the process, many women suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We need to start off by taking good care of ourselves before and during our pregnancies. We bond with our babies, respect our bodies and try to birth gently.  We raise our children
with respect as we teach them to respect themselves and others.  We try hard to satisfy their needs for love with physical nurturing so they don't need to seek these outside the home. 

Breastfeeding is an excellent way to help us learn about and meet these needs during their first couple of years.  It helps us to get to know our children so we can continue to understand
what they need as they continue to grow. 

Throughout their lives we teach our children about their fertility, the wonderful gift and responsibility it is.  I would like to see all boys and girls learn about fertility cycles and signs. The Billings and Justisse Methods are two good resources.  Then, just as we educate and empower ourselves to avoid having caesarean births, we teach our children their choices to avoid abortion.  Hopefully we can raise children with enough self esteem respect and knowledge to make decisions that are in their best interest and respect the rights of others.             

Lu Johnston, Mississauga, Ontario

Valentine for a Breastfeeding Mom

On Valentine's day, Erin Clatney's boss gave her this greeting: "Quit breastfeeding."

The mother of two worked at Johnny Farina's restaurant at 216 Elgin St.,  Ottawa, through her pregnancy, and went back to work when baby Charlotte was six months old.

On Feb. 14th she was told to take a month of without pay, and wean her daughter.

Erin Clatgney quit work rather than quit breastfeeding, and has filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.  The Ministry of Labour assures her she
has been discriminated against under the Charter of Rights and Freedom.
  Email her at:
cleoc@sprint.ca
Her address:
Erin Clatney
59 Waverley Rd
Ottawa Ontario K2P 0T7