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Please send us your short story about being a single parent! There are many issues which you could write about. Don't worry about correct spelling or punctuation. We will help you with that aspect. Just send your story (could be just a paragraph or two) in email to and we will consider publishing it here.  Thank you!

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Inside Mother

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6.20.08

Single Mom with two boys, 8 and 2

Hi, I am 29yr  single mother of two beautiful awesome boys. they are 8 and 2. I have been a single mom forever. I was married, i meant him in high school  we were together for 5 yrs. he was very abusive and i was so depressed and felt like crap, i went to school for dental assistant. i would get beat by him and cry and take and shower and clean up to go to school until eleven at night. i would go home to study and sometimes he would hit me for not going to bed. So i would cry and fall asleep next to him. Than get up in the morning and go to work. I would take my books to study. i did get my certificate in dental assistant. in 99 the year after i graduated from high school.
 
that same time i found a good job, got an apartment and found out i was pregnant. He had moved out and out of state.  I told him i was pregnant and i let him come back, with a couple more yrs of abuse. i finally had the courage to leave him in nov of 2002. After years of him telling me that no guy would ever want to be with me because i was ugly and i was worthless and you name it he would say. he put a knife to my throat, tried to push me out of a car on the freeway, forced himself on me, cheating, and not helping with any bills and drinking on his money and buying stuff for other girls. I finally smart up and left him. it was really hard and i meant a wonderful guy i ended that because i was not over the past and i blamed him for a lot my my ex husband mistakes, but after being with him for almost 3 yrs. He did show me and how i needed to be treated. i don't have any kids with him. i guess i needed the time alone to find who i was all over again
 
my youngest son dad just has nothing to do with him. but it is his lost, i choose to not get money from either of the fathers, i just think the stress and the paper work is not worth it. last time i tried to file paper work, my ex husband sent me a text message telling me" i hope you die, so i can be happy" i laughed and told him it was not my time. and you have a blessed day. everyday is a struggle, but there is one man i turn too at the end of the day, GOD!  because no matter what happens he never turns his back on me and he always finds a way to take care of my kids and i, he is my father and my boys father, and pretty much that is all i need in my life, because since i have found him i have been happy and  stronger and i still have my troubles but it still works out!!!
 
i am glad that i found this site.  because after telling my story i feel that so much has been lefted off of me... good luck to all single mom and dads. may you all be blessed!!! remember the rainbow after the storm.....just got to stick through the storm to see the rainbow....
 

6.13.08
She kept her baby

I have been a single mom for two years. The baby's father denied my baby when i told him i was pregnant. I was 17 years old when he met me and he was in his forties. He promised me the world when we met. We both moved in together when i was eighteen. In the year 2003, I became pregnant for him; he told me to do abortion and i did. In the year 2005, i became pregnant for him again he told me to do abortion the second time and this time I said no way I won't do it. I told him its a sin, and I still haven't recorvered the guilt i had from the first abortion so i said i wont do abortion.

To cut long story short i decided to keep my baby and not commit abortion, but he insisted and because i said no, he denied my baby and threw me out of his house when i was only 2 monts pregnant. One lady from our church took me in and took care of me while i still go to work part time. He came into my life again only because i thought that on my labour hour i would need someone to be there for me and also him being part of my baby's life will make a huge difference. Well thats was a mistake. He abused me even more, he had a very short fuse. He would yell scream, slap me, shake me and almost want to push me to fall when i was 8 months pregnant. I was lived in fear fo him. God being so good, i finally delivered my gorgeous son. He is the most cutest thing God has ever given to me and i won't trade him for anything.

When my baby was born he deserted me and chose to hang out with his friends for a week and left me all by my self. He was my silent partner though i was married to him. There was no happiness in my life at that time with him. My baby and i needed him but he was never there. When he was there, its when he is sober or probably fake to be there for us. Ever since my baby was born i have been the one taking care of him. I have family members including my parents but none of them are supporting me. I guess they never liked my baby's father so i have to pay the price for bringing his offspring to this world all by my self. By God's grace i have finished my two diploma courses, Office Assistant and Pharmacy technician diploma and as matter of fact, I am very proud of my self. 

Still things are though in terms of looking for employment, but i do believe in my heart that my time will come when I will shine. And i will be the head and not the tail. God has blessed me with a wonderful caregiver who takes care of my son after many years of begging for attention for my family members to support me. I have no regrets I still keep a smile on my face and i still feel proud of my self that i chose not to commit abortion. When I look into my son's eyes thats where i find my strength and hope. God is good and he will help every single mom out there to make it through. Please moms don't give up and don't exchange your children's happiness for your new boyfriends or husbands to be. Trust me I have learnt my lesson. In everything I do, my son comes first. If men realize that you love your children they will have no choice but to love them also. God bless u all bye. I wish i could write more but i will save it for next time. Thank u all bye for now.




The life of a single mother is not easy in this world. Here are personal glimpses into the lives of single mothers who are struggling but often emerging triumphant.


What kind of mom am I called?


I am writing because i guess i am a single mom, but more of a non custodial mom. I read so many of these stories and they all have one thing in common. They have their children every day. I don't. I am a mom like all these other moms, but i don't have my children. I love them so much and I try to be so involved in their lives every day. Even though it makes my ex mother in law mad, I still call everyday all day to find out what they are wearing, what time they woke up, what they had for meals, were they bundled up for the bus, did they have any sibling squabbles again when getting off the bus, were they bundled up when they got off the bus? What they are doing now at home after school. What are they watching on TV? What are they playing, what is their homework, how are their grades? 

So so many questions, each and every day. Then they get on the phone with me after school, I dont get to ask them to many questions anymore because they are getting older and dont like talking to their mom on the phone to much anymore. But i do get to tell them i love them, i miss them, im thinking about them. I ask them "gym, art, music, or library", everyday. They usually tell me after a few min of thought which one they had today. Then they say i love yu, and i quickly get in i love yu, dont talk to strangers. Their like, i know mom you told us yesterday. Im just a mom who worries like all other mommies. Im a normal mom like everyone else. When my children were very little i suffered depression, and after several years my husband divorced me. No im not a bad person, no i never got psychotic, i was just sad and layed around cried. I guess i can say that the divorce was good for me, because i was able to grow up and find out what a beautiful strong woman i am and have become from all of the past experiences. I have grown out of the depressive era in my life, and i have moved on and gotten my degree from college and now i am completing my second bachelors and i plan on getting my third bachelors soon. After that i plan on my masters and teach college. 

You see im just a regular mom like everyone else. Most people right away think that most woman that dont have their kids are either junkies, or in prison, or in a mental institution. That is not the case with me. Because i want to be involved with my children, im very responsible, im a wonderful, sweet, strong woman. With lots of goals in life. I bake cookies, and bring treat bag to parties at their school. But why is okay for a dad to be divorced and not have their kids but no one thinks bad about them? But as soon as someone hears that my kids dont live with me that I must do horrible things? Thats not fair. Not everyone is a monster. I just want all of you moms, single or married, the ones living with their children, to listen carefully. Never, ever take what yu have for granted. I was the type of woman when i was younger that planned everything. I planned my marriage and having children and my house. But sometimes you cant forsee what the future holds. One minute you have everything and the next minute you lose everything. 

So please mommies go and kiss your children and love them  cherish all  those days you get to live with them and be there for them. My son and daughter are very happy children living with their father, but sometimes they do tell me that they wished they had their mommy like other kids. I tell them that they do have their mommy she is right here. There are some kids out there that dont even have a mommy at all. 

I want them to know that they are a blessing from God to me. That they are the best and greatest two little things i have ever done in my life. And even though my ex husband took away my marriage and my house, he can never take away my children. I will always be their mommy. I hope some day i can write a book about my experience. And i hope someday that i can write a pad of forms that a caregiver can fill out for the mom about her children. So that i can see what they have done each day. Live every day to the fullest and just enjoy everything.

thank you for listening, april dunn
youngstown, ohio
Family and Consumer  Studies, Senior
Youngstown State University


God always makes a way

My name is Alycia and I am a single mother of two year. My son was born a month early on December 26th. My son's father denied being my child's father after I telling him that I did not get an abortion. He called ever now and then but it wasn't for good reasons. 

I was totally stressed worrying about how I was going to care for my child without his father and still trying to stay in school. I worked five days a week and went to school six days a week. It took a toll on my body and caused my have complications throughout my pregnancy and during the delivery of my son.

 Now that my son is here his father has been ordered to pay child support but he does not help with anything else. He lives Memphis, TN and has only seen his child twice out of my son's two years on this earth.

 

It is very hard. I am always tired. It is frustrating sometimes but I would not change a thing about my life. I love my little angel dearly and I thank God that I did not have that abortion. I struggle with taking care of my son but God always makes a way.


Drained

my name's christina and im 18yrs old. I am a single mother of a 7 month old baby boy. 

I think i'm to the point to where I can say I've struggled. not financially because of the help of my family but physically, mentally and emotionally. my babies father left me when I was 2 months pregnant.  he told me he didnít want anything to do with me or our baby. naturally I was crushed. but for the sake of my baby I kept myself busy and tried not think about him so there would be no stress on my baby.  

I had family and friends but still felt very alone. thoughts constantly ran through my head like how am I going to do this without him?, how am I going to explain to my son the reasons why he doesnít have a father?  during my 8th month of pregnancy my sons father called me and was telling me he wanted to be able to see my baby. I told him "no way... you should have been there from the beginning instead of running away like a little boy" he got mad and hung up on me. he wasn't there for my sons birth but found out about it from somebody and tried to call me and tell me to let him see his son. I still refused. he was telling me over the phone he was going to kill me and take my baby if I refused again. I kept my word and got a restraining order on him. he left me alone for about 6 months and started right back up again. till this day he continues. my body is exhausted. my heart hurts with guilt. 

I feel so bad for my son. its not his fault we cant get along. I am drained emotionally, mentally, and physically.


 be thankful

I am a single mother of my 4 year old daughter Delanie. 

 I work two jobs and often feel guilty about not being able to spend more time with her.  I recently bought my own home eight months ago and every day is a different struggle.  She is what gets me through each of them.  I would rather have this hectic life than not have her. 

 I used to cry at night because I felt bad for her having to grow up without a "normal" family. I finally realized its not abnormal to her, she loves her life because she is loved.  She is so young that the simple things in life are all she cares about so i decided to quit my crying and be thankful for what we have. 


So many promises, so many heart aches

am a single mother of 4 children. 11,10,8 an 2. I am only 29yrs old.

 When my first baby was born in 94 I really thought I found a  

place in this world. My parents were horrible but I went the different route. The school I had gone to would not allow pregnant girls in school so I ran to the nearest library and got started on my GED. 

I have raised my children on nothing but love, GOD, encouragement, sacrifices on my part. And here I am writing? I always thought to be a good single mother I always tried my hardest at everything. I graduated the year after I was to graduate with two children and divorced. Yes two! And Yes I was to graduate in May of 94 but Nov. of 95 is my graduation year.

 I was on the front page of the news paper with my daughter, which was my second born in my arms with my son at my leg. I felt so proud of my self for accomplishing that. No one gave me a pat on the back. But those smiling faces made up for it.  I manage to fight off three husbands who were abusive and cheaters. To where I ended up in a old station wagon breastfeeding one while the other ate bologna that I stole from the grocery store. So many sacrifices, 

So many promises, so many heart aches. And yet every counselor I meet always ask "why haven't you just quit?" Well the words I LOVE YOU MOM is the only reason I'm still fighting. I know I have a long way to go still. But three boys and one girl deserve so much to have a father but here I am alone! Everyday I am fighting a battle with someone. Right now I am fighting to keep my third child who is 8 an no one to hear me cry or to support me but the Lord an my older two. I have a family! It might be without a father but I made what I have now, unfortunitely one father wants to tear that down like he did our hearts when he left. I never thought I would ever end up like this. 

Now Sept. will only tell how long I get to keep my family I built with no Man beside me. An the last of my fighting strength I shall not give up still!!! I feel children should have everything to keep their love tanks filled even without a father! Although it would be nice to at least have a male role modle around. But then maybe I have raised or raising the new generation of fathers and a generation of a woman who will not turn to any undesirable men just to feel loved. Being beat hurts but when your children see the after affects that kills an never does those lil faces ever look at me wrong but only with love an loyalty, an guidance. My last husband is in jail for almost killing me. I look at my 2yr old an wonder why? why? He would have been a good father. But then I hear the Lord say "No one can raise them like you can with the love you have for them". So again I go on. My son may not have his father nor my other three but they have me which the Lord kept alive to be their mother and to finish guiding them an takeing care of them........ 


Still believes in love

It is now 36 years since I embarked on being a single mother, with all the hope I have read about in previous stories.  

I felt my love for my son would make up for the lack of money, the lack of time.  I am still waiting for that to prove out.  My son and I are somewhat estranged now.  He is struggling through a life without a father.  He didn't find out what that was like, to bond with a daddy and God knows I tried to find one for him.  

As in the animal kingdom, male animals do not want another males offspring.  So my son was fatherless, grasping on  a flimsy memory of a dead beat father who had a violent and criminal background.  A father who didn't get to know my son, who really didn't want to know him. I wish I could have at least provided a better caliber" missing dad " for him. 

One day he went on the internet looking for his "dad" and found out he was dead.  "It is funny how I had always hoped that one day he would come back and want to know about me" my son said. 

My son led an unusual life, he worked as a bartender in San Francisco, used some drugs and drank al ot.  He was interested in many things,, Art, Music, Architecture, Acting.......but so far he hasn't really focused on anything.  I have been a rather controlling person in his life, trying to fix every mistake he has made and it isn't working.   He asked me to let him fall down and try to get back up on his own and I am doing that. It is hard.

He is off drugs and alcohol.  I am still hopeful.  I still believe in love.  


keeping my hopes alive

I am a single mother my daughter was born last year. but sadly was not even around to see the birth he doesn't even know if she is a girl or boy or if she is alive, but I tried to keep my head up until i got my self caught into a situation and abusive situation.

It started off with her dad who I thought we were in love and wanted to marry me until i got pregnant which was our idea in the first place then he suggested and abortion, so he left when i was five months pregnant.

After that depression got the best of me and I made a stupid decision. I place her in the hands of a angry man with lots of issues and  I regretted even since.

but thankful I am in college and I am keeping my hopes alive. we are struggling never knowing when a meal will come along or where we will live the next day but we make it some how some way. I love her and i never allow her to end up like me.

And i am so glad I cam upon this website I thought i was alone until i read all these testimonies from all ages thank you all.

 

Love a single mom in pain too.



My heart was broken

Hi I'm 24 and have a 3 and a half year old daughter Lauren, I met her father when I was 16 I first fell pregnant 6 months later but didn't keep the baby, I loved him more than anything but je treated me very badly 

I was never allowed out If I had a day sick or holiday from work he's have to be off as well. I lost all my friends and nearly my family he used to push me about and get abusive towards me and I couldn't take it anymore we stayed together for 4 years and I finally made him leave when our daughter was 6 weeks old. He harassed me for months after wanting me back calling me constantly we tried again when Lauren was 2 but he wasn't any different so he left again.

I now have counseling every week just because my heart was so broken we were so happy for the first year then he turned into an animal and took my life from me.

 

Emma

 

Oxfordshire


single mum from Coventry in England

I am a single mum from Coventry in England, which is in the middle of England.  On reading all these letters from U.S.A., I am thinking how lucky I am to be in England!!!  I have three boys ages 6, 8 and 9.  My middle son is Autistic and attends a mainstream school.  He has one to one support at this school, which is no extra cost to me.

I am saddened by your country's system as we get a huge amount of help here.  The benefits I claim include child support from my ex-husband, income support, disability benefit for my son, carers allowance for me and child benefit, which every parent receives.  Also the DSS (Department for Social Security) pays the interest on my mortgage.  This enables me to be able to support the family whilst studying for my degree.  Although I have worked before having the children, at the moment, I cannot support the children and pay the bills with a job and pay child care.  The benefit system has enabled to stay where I am, so not to disrupt the children's lives.  Also when I have my degree, I am more likely to get a job that is highly paid and is worth doing (fingers crossed).  By this time, the children will be older and more independent.

It may seem an unfair system, because it is not keeping families together and in this country there are so many 'spongers' who have excuses not to work and claim as much as £40,000 in benefits, which is wrong.  In my respect, im so thankful that I have this opportunity to better myself and to have family and eventually career fulfillment.

Tracy Malone


MY LIFE WILL NEVER GET ANY BETTER

I  am 24 yrs of age and i would like to tell you a little story about myself.

I met my husband when i was 16 yr. of age. we got engaged on my 17 Th. birthday. I fell pregnant at 17 but we didn't seem to think it would be a great problem as we were in love. We therefore bought a 2 bedroom house. We had a beautiful boy and then we decided to try for another baby 3 month after my little boy and had a girl. Our troubles started.

he go out to work all day 7 days  never use to and if not working at weekend he would go out with friends instead of having time for me and his family. I basically was a single mum even when i had a husband.

i felt like i was staring at 4 walls got short temper i felt i was tearing apart.

We separated when my little boy was 3 and my little girl was 2. My head felt like it was gone explode because i pick up a little part time job which my parents were baby-sitting while i went out to work behind a bar and getting in at around 12.30ish at night.
"you wont be able"
"you will find it very hard"
Was all everybody kept saying to me. It was hard i would cry to sleep no time for my self and it got worse before it got better
My health visitor helped me get a lot of help whet on courses to deal with toddlers behaviour. Been a single mum 4 yrs ago tore me apart and my children and it is hard at first but now i am a expurt to been a single mum. I meet blokes but that's it they don't meet my kids. i think if i have been in a serious relationship with somebody for 4 months then i would introduce them slowly but not at the moment.

i could tell you more but i would be typing for hrs but all i can say is their is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you

P.S. I am now training to help single mums financial and to talk


Dependency Issues

One thing I am struggling with and is deeply hurting my heart is that I am a single mother, so far dependent on my mother, and I need to find work soon to get my 13.5 month old daughter Meghan Jolie and I out on our own, so I am self sufficient. 

I have always struggled with dependency issues...dependency on my mother...dependency on ex boyfriends...well now here I am and I am not willing to be with any man just to have my "physical"/financial needs met (and then be expected to meet theirs-which seem to have different meanings! I'm talkin' roof over our heads, food on table, transportation...etc.), and I seem to keep winding up with men who want a family (round 2 or 3 or whatever...), or who want childcare for their daughter, or whatever...

Anyway, I am dreading working because I am a very private kinda to myself woman to begin with, and I love living out in rural Oregon because of that.  I also nurse my daughter on demand as she and I both need it (I look at it as a 2 way street...), and I could not bear to leave my baby alone with someone else.  People say oh!  Just leave her with a bottle of your milk...oh ok, that will solve it.  Jeesh, they don't get it.  It isn't just about milk!  It doesn't feel right and so I am bound and determined to make it work somehow, someway. 

The bio father isn't in the picture...he isn't on the birth certificate...anyway, being a single parent so far isn't too much of a financial challenge.  I am on food assistance and live with my mom and she carries the weight money-wise.  But I really don't like that she supports us...so I guess this is a share and also a cry out for help cuz I don't know what kind of work to do being that I'm kind of a hermit type woman, who struggles with sensitivity to the way the world is now and social anxst...depression...probably because of how it is out there, and how I am.  Hope I make sense. 

I have everything I have always dreamed of, my daughter...so now I just need to figure out how to provide for us and be satisified while doing it, WITH baby on hip!  My baby is healthy, beautiful and oh so smart.  She amazes me moment to moment.  Any ideas, support, advice...feel free to email me at meghandmama@yahoo.com 

Thank you.  I am so thankful for like-minded mama's out there...  -Lisbeth

UPDATE from Lisbeth 5/4/05


i have come so far since that initial posting, and i still continue to get emails from other moms about it...my daughter is now 2.5 years old and i have been working from home and have been self sufficient for a while now.  

I am a state registered child care provider and have child care and preschool in my home!  i can do what i love to do which is be a mama to my baby girl and be with kids...she loves it too.  

i highly recommend doing in home childcare for moms who can't bear to be away from their little ones and who love kids and supporting families who work.  i am so thrilled, i just traded in my '91 ford escort wagon today that my mom bought me in sept or so for a '95 isuzu trooper...its bigger and i feel more secure with my daughter riding inside that tha n that small little car we had...and she doesn't have to watch out so she doesn't hit her head anymore...its so spacious and high up...love it!  beautiful shade of dark blue...love it!  and...i did this on my own! i'm sure i'll hear criticism from my mom as she worries i am overboard but i needed to do this for ourselves.  

Our car payment is $200. a month starting in a month and that is decent to me for what i got...wow what a pretty suv!  also i have rented a very cute 3 br/2 ba 15 yr old home since july and i love it, has an apple tree in back yard...we are moving out into a larger home 4 br/2 ba 5 yr old home on 3 acres on a very well traveled road between 2 major towns and it will be so good for us both professionally and personally cuz we can now separate our biz from our home as the other 3 bedrooms and bathroom are on the other half of the house...there are 2 big living room areas so we can really keep our 'home' separate now, where in this house we are still at until we move, our space is infringed upon by the daycare.  sooo we are 'movin on up' and doing great, being self sufficient...

i dont' need my mom nor any man to rely on for money...i CAN do this, i AM doing this and i will continue to do this for my baby and i.  we co sleep and nurse still and we love it.  she is the love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

lisbeth 



21 yr old mother


Well, just to start I am a single 21 yr old mother of on beautiful little girl. I was so scared and afraid but I was lucky to have a great deal of help from family and some really close friends, most of all emotionally. My daughter is now 15 months old her father has yet to pay for his child support, and no they haven't even met... I get sad for her. 

My Daughter Lila has a half brother 16 days younger than her, not from me. Me and my ex- boyfriend, my daughters father moved to Alaska, crazy I know. Well in short no family no friends makes life a little dull, by the way the -40 weather... I moved back home to find that I was 2 months pregnant, at nineteen not fun. I made the best of all the things that happen to me and my daughter, I would never had been able to finish or complete myself, not to mentions repairing my life style. I can now say I am feeling pretty good, even though I drive a old 88 licolon, I can't just take Lila out to do things when ever because we don't have that kind of money. One thing I do have is that I get to see my daughter all the time and that is great in its own. M. Whetstone Texas 


"When a woman falls in love with the magnificent possibilities within herself, the forces that would limit those possibilities hold less and less sway over her."

 

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